sun, etc.

I'm bored with myself. I want a break from my head. I want to reset my thoughts. I'm tired of these cycles. I'm tired of glimpsing the man I want to be on the horizon and then scaring him away. I'm even tired of that thought, tired of the recognition that I'm my own worst enemy, tired of dragging myself into the crazy cave and then seeing the ray of light shining in and deciding it's all going to be ok. I'm tired of carrying this weight I've accumulated through sheer laziness and self-sabotage, it's making my back hurt. Literally and figuratively. I'm tired.

Welcome to this month's edition of Tom Battles His Demons and Tries to Shape His Ass Up, version 562. Welcome to the world's worst self-improvement blog, a neverending chronicle of false starts and trite epiphanies followed by flourishes of despair and melancholy. Rinse and repeat.

So this week, again, I press the reset button. I feel the sunshine on my face. I decide to grow up. Yadda yadda yadda. Try not to skip ahead. Maybe the ending will surprise you this time.

Anyway, what the fuck else am I going to do? Sit on the couch and watch Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs and play video games and entertain myself with snarky comments and get fatter and fatter until I'm one of those people on the discovery channel who have to be lifted out their house with a crane? I don't even like to play video games, and Everybody Loves Raymond sucks.

So this week I hereby resolve to ask the following questions of myself:

--Really? Are you even hungry? ARE YOU EVEN HUNGRY?

--What possible causative value can arise from thinking about this thing obsessively instead of doing this other thing ?

--Are you acting out of love?

--What are you children seeing when they look at you?

--Are you being useful?

--Are you having fun?

--Is this thing you're yelling about really as important as you think it is? Should you maybe just shut the fuck up and go take a walk instead of being this guy? Do I need to ask you that again? Because you're still yelling, so I think maybe I do. Let me rephrase that: Do you really want to be an asshole? Really?

Let the sunshine in!!!!!!!!