Anything at all

I haven't been writing about my progress in executing my food and exercise plan here lately because...well, what did my second grade teacher say when I told her how boring I thought the class was? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

That notion never really took with me, so I may as well buck up and face the music. I've been more or less flailing the past few weeks when it comes to wellness. Good days here and there but more bad days than not. No exercise whatsoever, save chasing my kids around the park or the beach on the weekend. Periods of thoughtful food choices interspersed with mindless gorging. Too much drinking.

And the thing is, I don't feel particularly motivated to turn it all around right now. I want to, I know I should, I go through the motions of planning it out, and then...I give in. I get stressed out at work, freaked out about something else, blah blah blah...and then I comfort myself with food. I feel some pleasure, in that moment, and then I feel like complete shit afterwards.

And so that's the update. I don't know. I have all the tools at my disposal, I know what I need to do, and I'm just not really doing it. I'm disappointed in myself, I feel like a slug, I feel powerless and lazy and silly.

So here's what I'm going to do: go home and play with my kids. Eat a healthy dinner with my wife. Watch the season premiere of The Biggest Loser. Then get up tomorrow and try again.